I peed on your car last night.

Dateline: Tombstone, AZ, 1998.

I had just come back from Germany. My first real “away from the parents” experience. For a whole summer. I was staying with my friend Chris, at his parent’s house in–yes, THAT ONE–Tombstone, AZ. We were bored, we were hot, and so we decided what better way to spend the day than starting a band? Tony A from San Jose was in town for the week, and we figured out that between the three of us, we had enough instruments and energy to make a band.

Yeah, this is gonna be one of those posts where it’s all about me and the band I’m in.

We had been playing croquet a lot. In fact, we even had a croquet gang, complete with tshirts and backpatches:

You’d be amazed how many crusty kids would come up, look at the patch, and want to talk about CRASS. “It’s not that CRASS, dude. Look at it again.”

So, the only thing left was to create a band. What kind of music should we play? Cochise County Croquet Core, what the fuck else?

Drums didn’t need to be mic’ed, and we had a guitar amp. We didn’t have a bass amp, but we did have a tape deck with a microphone jack. A trip to radio shack for an adaptor later, and we had a bass amp:

(not our actual bass amp, shown here only for dramatic effect.)

We had been hanging out for the week, and every random encounter we had that made us laugh became a song title.

“Food is my bitch” is about how i was such a good cook that, well, you get it.
“It’s not beer” was a quote from a homeless man with bottle in a paper bag outside Wal-Mart.

and so on.

We wrote the songs one day. Went over to our friend Scott’s house (Scott had a sweet ass recording studio in his house. I wish I could remember the name of the place…I’m guessing he’s still there. If anyone reading this needs recording studio time in Sierra Vista, AZ, get in touch and I’ll track him down.) the next day to record them and write lyrics.

We recorded the last 6 songs in this collection that day. We then switched up instruments and became the Crppld Strpprs. (That’s ” Crippled Strippers” with no vowels, get it?)

The following day, I forgot all my bass parts.

A year or two later, Chris, Tony and I crossed paths in San Jose, CA, so we recorded some songs at Nothing Studios in San Jose. Those tracks became the first 7 songs on this collection. Again, the same method of writing songs one day, recording the next, and coming up with song titles based on wacky hijinks.

Some time after that, Chris was in the studio with Ray and some other people, I think, and recorded the songs in the middle of the collection. I don’t know who played what, but there was a lot of “musical instruments” (pun intended) happening, where everyone played every instrument at some point.

In case anyone’s still reading this and wondering what we sounded like, it’s pretty rocking punk. Skate punk, street punk, it’s all in there. I never really got it when bands would avoid talking about what their music sounded like. Now I get it.

If you listen to only one of these songs, Nick Fitt might be the best song we ever wrote. It’s dedicated to and about that MRR columnist who we all loved to hate.

Track List:

Blessing McAnus    0:46
Mom Sex Dad’s A Real Sex Machine    1:06
It’s Not Sex, It’s Worms    0:43
Slags & Bastards    0:35
Rock and Roll Asshole    0:54
Phillip Oliver Hole    0:37
Nazi Santa, Fuck Off!    0:27
Banned From the Mall    1:11
I Gotta Pee    1:00
Art Major, Fuck You    1:16
Gonna Start A Drug Habit    1:49
U Think I Suck    1:47
Die Fucked    1:28
Social Fucker    1:08
Yr Society My Ass    0:58
Eat My Vegan Fuk    0:50
Food is My Bitch    0:46
(I Hate) Parentheses    0:21
Emo in My Pants    0:57
It’s Not Beer!    0:49
Nick Fitt    0:39

21 songs in 20 minutes? How can you go wrong?

The Shitty Wikkets went on a national tour in around 2002, I think, with Emo Summer, the Four Letter Words, and maybe one other band. They came through Denver, and I got to sing with them again at the punkest show I’ve ever been to. But I’ve said enough already.

Get it.

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8 Responses to I peed on your car last night.

  1. i still have my special agent scully fuckers tape with a number of theze shitty wikkets tracks on it – and the same recordings of the tracks? what gives? another angle to this west coast punk saga is what seems to be giving…. please to explain it?

    otherwise, i’ve got this slizz memorized! good memories on tape!

  2. veganboyjosh says:

    i don’t have the scully fuckers tape. wish i did.

    i can’t imagine you have different recordings of any wikkets songs. we recorded them once, then forgot them. at least, that’s what this bass player did.

  3. so these songs started off as crppld strpprz, went though a shitty wikketz stage and then ended up as special agent scully fuckers tracks? sasf had a few extra tracks of the same style and from what seemed to be the same recording sessions (“I wanna be Slater” comes to mind)

  4. veganboyjosh says:

    nah, those are all three different bands.

    shitty wikkets were first, with the timeline indicated above, with their being 3 writing/recording sessions in different months.

    crippled strippers happened once, during the first recording session. it was me, chris, and tony just swapping instruments, except i switched out the guitar for a keyboard run through “the bass amp”.
    the songs were horrible, horrible excuses for music, but so much fun. about halfway through that recording session, some friends–greg marsh, derek oishi, “stoopid” jonny hustad, and maybe someone else–showed up at the studio and helped with vocal overdub duties.

    secret agent skully fuckers were chris’s band at whittier. was him, mikey–who bartended and owned the tube bar in portland at one point, and still may: http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content?oid=38300&category=34029 –and a kid named travis who played drums.

    the skully fuckers may have recorded one or more wikkets songs, but i wasn’t aware of that, and would love to hear them. i don’t know that any wikkets songs were worth recording once, much less covering.

  5. yeah, a lot of these tunes are on the skully fuckers tape – maybe it’s just been mislabeled for 10+ years? probably then. The tracks were so short that I recorded over a new jack era cassette single (Jodeci? Guy?) and got most of the tracks on both sides.

  6. veganboyjosh says:

    i’mma call occam’s razor on this one. which is more likely?

    1. obscure shitty punk band re-records entire album of shitty punk band’s songs?

    2. shitty punk band’s songs get mislabeled on other shitty punk band’s thrift-scored and dubbed tape?

    • I chose the third option. I have the recordings you sent to me in Germany of Crrppled Strpprz, it was on the flip of some Atom and his package – weird, we’ll work this out. Only thing is, my tapes are in Minnesota….

  7. Stupidjahnny says:

    Hey man, I’ve been reading your blog today. Not listening to the music though (ha!). I totally forgot about Special Agent Skully Fuckers. I never heard them, but they recorded at the same time (without Travis, I think) as Bloody Shits. The SW CD is actually 3 bands, the only crossover between all of them is Chris. Banned from the Mall to U think I suck is Ray and Chris (i forget the original name of that band, but the conceit was that they were poser mall punks). Die Fucked to Yr Society my Ass is Bloody Shitz (Chris, Mike, ?), which was supposed to be a satire of crust punk. I think they recorded the same day as Sp Agent S. Fckerz, so it’s likely those songs are on the tape. Mike screamed on Die Fucked and I imitated him on the other 2 songs while he wrote rap songs about pirates that we never recorded. I think we later recorded Totalitarian Lieutenants that day, which were songs written by Bob and I (both of us on guitar, Ray on bass, Chris on drums, and Greg on vocals). It was a pro-establishment grindcore band that had songs about signing up for selective service and voting. As far as I know all known copies of the session are lost. I was never a part of any Shitty Wikkets/crippled strippers sessions (I wish!) but I did a bad job replacing you when they toured. Anyway, it was fun reminiscing.

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